I'm twenty-years-old and strangers call me Saarni, but my friends know me as the Five-Foot-Wonder. Climbing up on counter tops to reach the dishes since 1992.

I've been drawing ever since I was old enough to hold a pencil, and I've been writing stories ever since I was old enough to read Webster's Dictionary. I'm an aspiring tattoo artist with the hopes and dreams of someday being famous for my ink. If you're ever curious enough to see what my creative mind can shit out, take a look at my works: x-xalicex-x.deviantart.com

I'm psychotic, a bit neurotic, and I've been paranoid about demons killing me in the night ever since I was thirteen. About the time I developed the amazing habit of seeing spirits, and it's not always enjoyable. If you wanna know about it, don't be afraid to ask. Despite the few rotten experiences I've had, I love talking about paranormal shit.

I've been an insomniac up until I met my fiance. Something about having him in the bed with me puts my mind at ease and allows me to rest properly. He and I have been together for three years and we're due to get married on October 15th, 2012. He puts up with my bullshit and I keep that crazy bastard from being too reckless. We hate each other sometimes, but it's okay... 'cause we love each other that much more.

Avenged Sevenfold is my life, and if you have a problem with that, then you know what to do.

Marilyn Manson, Ours, The Used, Pinkly Smooth, The Mars Volta, Metallica, Pink Floyd, Mindless Self Indulgence, Mr. Bungle, Tool, Seether, Atreyu, Cold, HIM, My Chemical Romance, and Nightwish are other amazing bands... to name a few.

I fucking love music, coffee and soup. Sometimes not all at once.

Dexter, House, Viva La Bam, Jackass, Aqua Teen Hunger Force/Aqua Unit Patrol Squad One, South Park, Scrubs, Fullmetal Alchemist and Adventure Time, fuck yeah! Awesome shows I could watch every day and never get tired of them.

Requiem for a Dream, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, American Beauty, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings are some of the greatest movies ever. Your argument is invalid.

Don't even get me started on video games.

My older brother, Zach, has the greatest taste in everything and that's where 90% of this shit comes from. Over the past twenty years, he's molded me into his very own little mini-me, and I'm perfectly okay with this. He and I have the strongest bond known to man and I honestly don't know what I'd do without him. He's the greatest brother ever, and all you jealous bitches just wish that you could have him.

My best friend Atrum exudes awesomeness. She'll piss on your tits if you piss her off, 'cause she's got the Gates magic in her. Haters gonna hate, Bakers gonna bake.

But yeah, that's pretty much me. Bored yet?

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